Everyone has days that have changed their lives. Some are happy like the day you graduated college, the day you were married, or the day you had your first real job, and some are sad like the day you lost a loved one or had a relationship end. One year ago was one of those days for me.
I have always known I wanted children. Besides playing make-believe with a wedding, being a mom was about the only thing I pretended growing up. I have always been so close to my mother that wanting a relationship like that seemed very natural to me. I spent years imagining what it would be like or when it would happen. When I got older I daydreamed about what it would be like. As friends and family started having children I started to be excited and also nervous about it but never doubted how much I wanted to be a mother. For my dear husband however it was another story entirely. He was and is very solitary. He never wanted to get married and never wanted to have children. His own experiences weren't always positive or filled with wonderful memories and his encounters with babies as an adult were nonexistent. He also heard different types of horror stories from friends about how their wives, marriages, or lives changed not always for the better. To say he was reluctant in general was an understatement.
When we got married we agreed children might not be in the picture. I knew I loved him more than anything when I realized I would never want children without him as their father. I also knew with his career having children was a huge risk because I might be alone at any time. When your husband wears a bullet proof vest to work everyday the reality is hard to ignore. There is no time where they are not on duty, if you're at a restaurant or even church and something happens they go into action. There are no days when they are completely safe or away from danger. Knowing we have an "In Case Of" file and seeing other police officers sacrifice their lives in your city makes it hit home even more. It is a difficult reality every Police Wife faces everyday and makes life changing decisions all the more weighted.
Marco also is ALL about taking time. He has always been against rushing anything. I knew the first time he kissed me that I was going to marry him and would have that very night had he asked me. But he didn't and every time I brought it up for the next year and a half he quickly changed the topic or explained how he didn't want to rush it. Even when he said he knew he took time to save up money, buy the perfect ring, and plan the perfect way. Then as soon as he asked I was ready! We could have gone to Vegas that weekend! But he wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams and I wanted him and his family to have the bride of theirs. So we saved up, paid for nearly everything ourselves, I converted, and we waited over a year before we had a wedding that blew the ones in my dreams out of the water. I will always cherish that day. So when we had friends having children throughout 2011 and 2012, I thought I was ready!! I was past the time growing up I thought I would have kids, I
was married to the love of my life, and in 2011 had finally started my
real career. But my husband, ever the logical one of the pair, knew we
weren't fully ready.
So what happened a year ago today and why is it such a big deal?!? (I know get to the point already Kim!!) A year ago today over a dinner at our favorite restaurant we decided we WERE ready. We had discussed it for over six months and on that day decided that financially, individually, and in our marriage we were ready to welcome a new member to our teampena. We decided after that month I would stop birth control and we would try for a baby. I had heard that sometimes it can take months after you stop to get pregnant so that gave us a big enough window that even if it took a while I would have all or part of the summer with our baby. Little did we know it would take on the first try, literally lol.

It was a journey in which neither of us really knew what to expect, even if we thought we did. It tested our relationship and each of us in ways we couldn't imagine. The experiences were magical and amazing as well. I know they say every pregnancy is different but if any others were like my first I would be so lucky. Marco was with me through it all even when it was hard for him. During nearly 30 hours of labor and nearly 4 hours of pushing he never left me. He was by my side with words of encouragement and love just like he has been for over half a decade.
Reading lots about the postpartum period and the difficulties people can have I knew that this time is one of the tops in which marriages crumble or set the groundwork for crumbling which can make anyone nervous. But being parents is better than we ever imagined and has brought us closer than we've ever been. I really was worried it wouldn't live up to all I had built it to be in my mind but it is so much more. It is like a new part of my heart I never knew existed has been tapped and is endless. I can't imagine how people can choose favorites among their children because even though I only have one that this part of my heart could give love to dozens! (and yes i know we won't have dozens lol) The first time I looked over to see him holding our newborn and watched him truly become a father I fell more in love with him than I already was.
Over 5 years ago Marco stole my heart, nearly 4 years ago he asked me to
spend the rest of my life with him, nearly 3 years ago we had the
perfect wedding, exactly 1 year ago he agreed we were ready to embark on
a new journey, and nearly 10 weeks ago he gave me the most amazing gift
I could have ever wished or hoped for, our little boy. Thank you to my
wonderful husband for all the amazing days that have changed my life and
myself for the better and all the ones still to come . . .