Why I stopped trying to be skinny and ended up happy.

Let me preface by saying how incredibly grateful I am for my amazingly supportive friends and family who have supported me, helped me, stood up for me, and kept me going on the beginning of this journey and I know will continue. Let me also say this is not a blog for people to hear my story or praise me; I am writing this in hopes of reaching someone who was in the exact situation I was and knowing they are not alone and there are options they may not realize.

   To start I'll say that I was never a girl who super defined herself by weight. I was always more worried about how clothes fit than what the scale said. Not saying I didn’t have insecurities (I got boobs in 8^th grade and taped them down for three years) but I was never obsessed with a number even if I got on the scale enough to know what it was. All of this changed when I entered into that holy sanctuary of motherhood or more appropriately "pre-motherhood." When you are pregnant EVERYONE is obsessed with your weight and everyone likes to chime in on how much they gained, etc all with the best of intentions. Heck, even your health professional looks at your weight before anything. It is overwhelming to say the least. This feeling intensified for me as I out gained the women in my family and even nearly my husband. It didn’t subside afterwards, when I expected the weight to just melt off. I went back to work four months later fitting into most pants but still 20lbs heavier. I was officially obsessed. I was on the scale multiple times a month always checking and trying to get back to that magic number and size. Then I got there….then I quit breastfeeding and gained more back and then got there again....guess what I found out…not the same. I didn’t look the same or feel the same.  I hated my obsession and needed to break the funk, bad. As one of my cajun Aunts once said, "I'm a dooa not a sitta." Translation: I don't sit around and feel bad for myself or wait for someone to do it for me, I do what I have to do to make it better. 

   I found inspiration in two places, my son and wonderful friends and family. Over the summer our little man became a full fledged toddler no longer eating his baby food I made him but wanting to eat what was on our plate and share both ways. We have always eaten as a family but it was a whole new world for him to be sharing and more engaged than ever. I realized that it also meant I couldn’t have French fries and pizza if I was sharing because I didn't want him having those things. I also looked around me for inspiration and found friends who were happy and fit and moms and just reached out. I asked questions and got wonderful help. I had an epiphany as a child more than a mother that I didn't care what size or weight my now 65 year old mother is; I never have and I never will. I care that she's healthy and still around to be in our lives. 

   Today I have been on this journey for four months exactly (my favorite number of course) and I decided it was time to reach out to anyone who was where I was. My focus is to be healthy. This was so hard for me because, well, I have never been healthy as an adult. In college I lived on often one main meal a day and it was fast food or take out, and we ate out a lot in the beginning of our marriage but well children can change you. We eat at home, reduced dramatically our intake of processed foods (we've gotten far enough that we buy nothing canned anymore), and I work out 6 times a week. We still eat out sometimes, and I have coffee every morning, and we eat more organic and local foods than ever before. In short I've learned moderation. I knew I owed it to my son to be healthy. I won't lie, it takes work, discipline, and moderation. As a teacher I've never known what a 40hr work week is and I come home most days exhausted but I don't give up because it is worth it. I'm healthier, happier, more in tune with my body and faith, and yes skinnier but more importantly I've never been more fit in my life. I don't know exactly what I weigh and I can't tell you when I last looked at the scale but I know about what I weigh. Thats because I've found a way to have a healthy relationship with food and my body, not an obsession. I have never had a goal because to me there is no end to this journey. It has become as much a part of me as being a mother, wife, teacher, or catholic, it is just who I am and I'm so proud that it is. I stopped trying to be skinny and started trying to be healthy and have never been happier.